SCIFI RAZOR

 

I think I may have always had a knack for getting people to believe ridiculous and outrageous things. Here are just a few examples.

 

Bigfoot was living under my house.

 

Marlin Perkins and Jim were saving the Nagas from extinction by carrying them off to a preserve with helicopters.

 

The big white L decal in Britain stands for lethal driver.

 

I’ve had my mother really ticked off at me for a while. I convinced her I was not happy with the water bill and was making the family take only one bath a week and reuse the same water.

 

Years before the Jerk came out I had everyone at work convince I was born a poor black child. I’m about as white as you can get by the way.

 

So what does this have to do with the Evil Genius getting a date? Nothing really but it may make you have some pity for a poor Yankee girl.

 

Back during the time I was black I was dating a girl from Maryland. I being from Tennessee should have known these mixed relationships seldom work out and it was just a matter of time before prejudice split us apart.

 

I don’t remember just exactly what we were talking about during this particular date but I do remember her making the comment that people from the south were “quaint.”

 

“Quaint,” I asked?

 

“You know quaint,” she said.

 

“I think you mean backward,” I said. I’m in a sulk now the gears in my head are spinning.

 

“No, just quaint,” she said.

 

Letting her think I had dropped the subject I invited her to my grandparent’s house for Sunday dinner.

 

“I think you would enjoy meeting my grandfather. He’s a very interesting man,” I said.

 

“Really, how so,” she asked?

 

“He’s like a living Fox Fire book. He knows how do things that few people remember how to anymore,” I replied.

 

“Like what,” she asked?

 

“Well, he has a worm guitar,” I said.

 

“Worm Guitar,” she said!

 

“Yes, it’s made out of worms,” I said.

 

“You can’t make a guitar out of worms,” she said.

 

“Actually it’s just the strings that are made out of worms,” I said.

 

“You can’t make guitar strings out of worms,” she said.

 

“Just because you Yankees can’t make guitar strings out of worms you think no one else can either,” I said. She’s in a sulk now so I let the subject drop. There’s no more mention of worm guitars.

 

Sunday arrives I and my girl are at my grandparent’s house. I introduce my girl to my grandparents and guess what comes out of her mouth.

 

“Mr. Sluder I’ve been looking forward to meeting you,” she said. “May I see your worm guitar,” she asked?

 

My grandfather looked at me and asked, “Is there something wrong with this girl?”

 

That was the moment I turned to my girl and said, “We may be quaint but we don’t believe in worm guitars.”

 

The relationship went down hill from there.

 

Life as an Evil Genius can be lonely at times but that’s to be expected because we are so few. But there may be hope. I’m starting to suspect this lady at work is playing with my head like a kitten with a ball of yarn. I’ve told her I think she is “Pure Evil.”

 

I think I like her.